Tell me, " I egged.
"Can't," she edged.
"Afraid I'll tell your secrets on the internet?"
"No, it's worse because I'm a real estate agent." she whispered into the phone. "You see, I should know better."
"Trust me," I whispered back.
"Well, it's all these historic houses," she said at last with a relief borne of confession. "I love them so much. They're just so beautiful."
"Uh-huh." Not quite the juicy truth I'd hoped for.
"I swear I moved to the Seacoast because of them. I needed to be near them. There's something about having all this history around, Georgian mansions, museums, old churches, forts, white colonials, capes, victorians. It's just so, so..."
"Historic?" I offered.
"Exactly!" she said, then paused. "Are you making fun of me?"
"No way," I protested. "I'm empathizing."
"Ya, you just don't see many historic split levels and duplexes any more," I said, waiting for a laugh that never came. She was still in poetry mode.
"It's like we're living in someone else's civilization," she offered. "Like we're just borrowing all this architecture."
"You mean like those gray man-eating gorillas in the movie Congo?" I did a passable ape grunt. "The ones protecting the ancient diamond mine?"
"Sort of...." she said, running with my awful metaphor.
"Digging for diamonds?" .
"Making a living," I explained. "You know, the diamonds the gorillas were guarding?"
"I must have pointed out those darn places a million times, you know, to clients. There's where John Paul Jones lived. There's where they found an old Declaration of Independence. That one's the oldest house in the state. It's all part of my sales pitch, like the beaches and the school systems and the tax free shopping!"
More silence from me.
"And do you know the worst of it?" she said, her voice grew armored plates.
"Let me guess, "I seized the moment. "You never went inside these famous houses. Never took the tours."
"Not one," she sighed, then echoed, "Not one."
"Me neither," I said, waiting a soulful moment before detonating my own bombshell.
"No way!" she exploded.
"Way," I said firmly, dodging the shrapnel..
"But you've published dozens..."
"Hundreds," I corrected.
"And you never?"
"Not once in 25 years of writing about this area!"
"You charlatan!" she shouted.
"You said it!" I agreed. "And that's why I resolved to visit every historic house, museum and site in the Seacoast, I started about six months ago. I keep a little journal."
"And this web site?"
"That's the journal." I confessed. "Just don't tell anyone."
"Trust me," she said.
"Hey, I don't swim in the Atlantic," I added, "but I love looking at it!"
She smiled, or at least it sounded like a smile.
"And I never bought a Picasso, but..."
"Ah, I get the point," she cut me off. "Look, I better let you go back to your writing."
I've read the John Gray books, so I know when a woman is dismissing a guy.
"Yea, thanks," I stammered, feeling doubly exposed as both impostor and non-swimmer. My mind shuffled toward the exit door of our conversation.
"Wait!" the real estate lady cried, "The diamonds!"
"The monkeys guarding the diamonds!" she shouted.
"Gorillas," I corrected.
"Right! Maybe that's us guarding all this history, protecting it, you know, until someone else comes along. Or maybe just until we find the time ourselves to appreciate how much all this history is worth to us."
"The gorillas learn to value the diamonds?"
"Could happen," she defended her theory. "Except that, in the movie, anyone who found the diamonds got his head torn off."
"Don't mess with my metaphor," she warned. "I was making a point."
"Sorry," I said. Timing was everything now. "Look," I added abruptly. "I better let you go, You probably have a lot of diamonds, er properties to sell." I had her on a technicality. It was my closing this time and she knew it.
"Charlatan," she taunted softly.
"History-lover," I sneered.
Copyright 1997 SeacoastNH.com.
Editors Note: You can now relieve your own guilt about history by taking our virtual tour of the John Paul House Museum. JDR
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