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Amanda Visits Seaport World

It's the future and Portsmouth
is now a giant theme park

Portsmouthville brochure (Editor's Note: These three letters were reportedly discovered on the front lawn of the Portsmouth Historical Society this week among hundreds of others in an unidentified container near the site of the recent time capsule burial. Authorities expect it is part of a grand hoax perpetrated by a splinter group of radical historians determined to turn the region into a theme park.)

See Time Capsule Buried in Portsmouth

October 14, 2123
EST 10:18 AM
Email originated at MBTA Shuttle

Dear Gram and Gramps,

Thanks for the mini-Concorde ride and tickets to Seaport World in New Hampshire. (Dad calls it "new hampster!"). We'll be going up to Portsmouthville tomorrow. Did you know the whole city is so old that it's protected under a bio-dome? The brochure says it's one of the oldest places left in America since the Big Quake.

The plane trip from Montana to Logan Spaceport took two whole hours! But I wasn't bored cause now they let you play "Death Planet Y2K" the new holo-toy right on the plane. Billy puked. It was fun. Did all those people really die when the computers stopped in the year 2000? I know you're not really old enough to remember! Just kidding!

Billy is so dumb. He still says we are going to Sea World in Orlando, even though our new stepmom Ginny (not the blonde one) told him a million times that Florida is not a real place anymore since it sank. That must have been scary back then. They lost a lotta good theme parks, didn't they?

Billy cried when dad said Seaport World is about history. Billy said he hates boring old stupid history. Dad said "Shut up, Billy," and the no-swearing on the plane stewardess gave dad a penalty card. It was mega-zippin funny.

Billy went so mental-face about not seeing fish at Sea World that now we're going to see some scary sharks at the Boston Aquarium II. It's all fixed since the earthquake, and they got the rare fish and penguins back. Ginny says they're all replicans, but I know they're real. What do you think? I'm using the keypad on the shuttle bus now, cause dad forgot the telepalm. Hope you get this.

Love ya,

PS. Anyways, dad says Seaport World is better than those make-believe history parks like Pilgrim City in Plymouth or Williamsburgh Holoworld cause this is a REAL town. No lie! People really still live in the old wooden houses and stuff. Ginny says it's just a trick to bring tourists to New Hampster (grin!), but that I should not tell you she said that, cause it will hurt your feelings since you paid for this trip and stuff. What do you think?

October 15, 2123
EST 13:45 PM
Email originated Sheraton Portsmouthville, NH

Dear Gram and Gramps,

What a zippin place! Even Billy said so when he saw the tall ship Ranger. It's made from actual wood. A guy named John Paul Jones sailed in it to nuke England during the big Revolution. (Not the one where the poor people battled the millionaires, but the first one.) Ginny says the ship is just a copy and was built right after Y2K, but it still looks old to me. Billy got to fire the cannon. It was loud!

This afternoon Billy and me are going alone together on a bunch of the biggest rides like Happy Hampton, Celia's Island and Smuttynose Axe Murder and The Day Dover Flooded. (Guess which one Billy wants to see most!) Billy wants to go down in Goody Cole's Witch Well too, but dad says it costs extra. The guide said that before Global Warming and the bio-dome, some of these rides were only open in the summer!!

I think I'm too old to wear a CyberNanny vest, but dad says that's the rules. I think him and Ginny just want more of that free beer at the Frank Jones Hospitality Center. They seem to be getting along pretty good since we got here.

Oh, I almost forgot that we took a trolley this morning that had real wheels! I saw some actual lighthouses and rode up and down on a scary metal bridge with Ginny. Billy and dad went into a submarine and some old fort. She's not so bad when you get her alone, I guess. She said Seaport World isn't so plastic as she thought. They don't have holo-projection here. They use real scenery instead. There's no music coming out of plastic rocks and stuff like at home, so you can actually hear the seagulls and waves. You have to get used to it. Ginny says it's practically StoneAge. I think I like it.

This is the 500th anniversary of the town this year. Isn't that old? There's plenty of parades and stuff. After fireworks the "old fogies" are going to a grown-up party area across town. Ginny says the Red Light Museum there is out of bounds, even for dad. The sleep chambers are named after famous people who slept in Portsmouthville in the Olden Days, like Dan Webster and George Washington. I got Lady Wentworth. Ginny got Mayor Foley and dad got President Lewinsky. Billy got Paul Revere, which dad says is perfect because he'll probably be up running around all night.

XX OO and you be good too!

October 16, 2123 AD
EST 9:30 AM
Email originated at Seaport World Time Capsule Pavilion

Gram! Grampa! Can you see me? I'm sending this message by vidmail, so I can show you how pretty this town is. It's sort of gritty, not like home, but this is how people used to live.

See that giant church steeple! It's been here for hundreds of years. They have no moving sidewalks or aircarts, so you have to walk everywhere. We're in Market Square now, which is like a Food Court- type place, only better. Some places still use old-fashioned microwave cooking.

That's the Old State House. It's where they still have democracy. They had such a hard time finding a place to put it, that they put it on wheels and move it around. We went in there yesterday and met the real mayor. It was a little boring. They were sort of arguing over this dog park and if they would build a new library.

The people are so nice that Ginny kept asking if they were replicans. They say people ask that all the time. Now I see why you guys had your honeymoon here.

Dad went to a timeshare talk at Navy Yard Estates and got us free passes to visit Maine which is now part of another country called Canada. It's right across the river from the up-and-down bridge. Can you see? It's all condos now and modern on an island.

Did you know that fish once lived in the oceans too? No lie! Fishing is how this place got started. I think I like history. Knowing about it makes me feel good. Ginny says this place makes her feel, I don't know, safer than in the real world. She thinks it has to do with being close to old buildings and stuff. Dad thinks Billy is even calmer. Hey! Billy, cut that! You're messing up my vid! Oh, well.

Anyways, I gotta zip. We're at the place where they are opening the time capsule. It is really old from 1998. I wonder what's in it! The big news is, my letters to you got picked to send into the past. They've got a way to make them go back in time. There's gonna be a big ceremony tomorrow, so we're staying an extra day!

I'm kind of sad to go. I like the coastline of Montana, but this place, I don't know. I can't explain it exactly. I hope the people in the past knew how lucky they were to live here.

Zippinly yours,

See As I Please: "Letter to 2123 AD"

Brochure art by Tim Dubuque
Photo © 1999 by Ralph Morang
Seaport World Concept © 1999 SeacoastNH.com
Article and page design
© 1999 SeacoastNH.com. All rights reserved.

Don't miss Dennis Robinson's new column "Seacoast Rambles" every other week in Foster's Sunday Citizen at your local newsstand.

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